break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
His hands were made for my vagina.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
