When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
