At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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