i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
