Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize