So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize