Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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