If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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