My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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