We need to rekindle our bromance
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
