I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
