I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
