My brain says no but my pants say off.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
