I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
