I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
