He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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