Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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