We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
someone owes me an orgasm
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
