I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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