Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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