I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
