If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
