get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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