I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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