We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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