I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
