i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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