whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
