I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
