no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
