just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
