If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How external is "for external use only"?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
