I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
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Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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