she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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