well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You're like the curious george of whores
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
