Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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