I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
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St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
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it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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