i love accidental penises.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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