Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
