We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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