i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize