I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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