mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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