I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
