I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
