i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
