piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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