that's an acceptable place to lick
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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