I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
