Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
