My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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