Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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