Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
