i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
