I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
