I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
