I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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