Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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