fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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