I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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