Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
